January 1, 2013 § Leave a comment
Not six hours until the clock strikes twelve, and I’m sitting down to review this past year. How very like me to wait until the last minute to finish a task. I am just home from watching Les Miserables and my heart is a bit heavy, my eyes not quite dry, and I’m humming the final tune in my head. Gorgeous, moving, movie. Go see it tomorrow when you have nothing better to do. But, I have a bit of time before I head out to Jennie and Jimmy’s party, and so I will look back on the year and see what I have to say about it.
To wait. I began 2012 quite unsure of what would become of mine and Ben’s relationship. He had gone to North Dakota on internship, and I told myself I would wait and be patient. Wait and be patient. That almost seems like an oxymoron. And in the midst of the waiting, I trained for a marathon. Partly, because I’m spontaneous and registered for the Fargo marathon after an easy 8-miler on cold February morning. But mostly because if I don’t have an almost-impossible goal looming over my head, I’m not very motivated. Running is as much a mental feat as it is physical for me.
To expect. After training for 11 weeks, I expected to finish the marathon. And I did. Sometimes, you just need to do something you know you can do. After April showers, I did not expect May flowers, but they came.
To hope. Ah, to hope. Hope is the thing with feathers. Hope redeems waiting from its clutches of anxiety. Hope releases expectation from its prison. Do I sound a tad dramatic? I blame it on Les Mis if I do. The last few months have been ridiculously busy for me. Busy at work, busy making Christmas gifts, and busy planning a wedding. As Ben and I talk about details, our conversation often drifts to talking about life after the wedding because that’s what we’re most excited about. We dream of keeping bees, and having a garden. We dream of being close to the water. We dream of waking up next to each other. And to say we dream is to say we hope.
2012 has been good to me. Once again, I have made new friends, and grown closer to friends who were once acquaintances. I read a bunch of books (my favorite being The Geography of Time) and saw delightful movies (honestly my favorite being Les Miserables that I watched tonight) and ate delicious foods (but none compare to the meal in which Ben proposed). While the dream of studying linguistics is still alive, I leave you with this small word study. The Spanish verb esperar means to wait, to hope, to expect. All three. To wait is to hope. To hope is to expect. To expect is to wait.
Wishing you all God’s peace in this new year.