The Fool and the Fraud

January 23, 2011 § 2 Comments

This was the original title of my defunct novel. Although my teacher and classmates liked the alliteration, they said it pegs one as the fool and one as the fraud and that’s not good. But even as I was writing it, I wasn’t sure who was the fool and who was the fraud. Somedays I feel like both.

Eight years ago (gah, that makes me feel old), I studied abroad in Lithuania. One such night, I went to my favorite basement pub with two friends to drink award-winning beer and eat greasy fried bread. A man at the table next to us turns to me and begins asking me a series of questions. I understood and was able to answer him in my very limited Lithuanian. And I remember him asking me where I was from, and I said, “Ish Amerikos” (or something along those lines). He didn’t believe me. My Lithuanian friend had to step in and confirm that I was indeed from the States. But how giddy it made me to think I knew the language, or to make someone believe I knew the language. Or to put a slightly darker twist on it, how successful I felt in my ability to fool someone into thinking I was something that I am not.

I have a B.A. in English Literature and Writing, took a handful of graduate-level linguistics courses and attempted to learn 9 languages during the last decade. On paper, this makes me look like I know a lot. But I can only claim to know one language, and even then, my English lexicon is poor.

I’m getting tired of saying “I like languages” or “I like linguistics” because people then expect me talk about it intelligently which I can’t because I’m terrible at retaining information. What I should say is, “I like mimicking sounds” or “I like puzzles” which is a bit more accurate of the language learning process. And instead of saying I like linguistics, I should say, “I want to understand how people communicate.”

I’ve thought about going back to school over the years, but not for linguistics. I’ve applied to community colleges to take basic science and math courses with the intent on going to nursing school or physician assistant school because it seemed like a practical thing to do. But I never actually signed up for the classes. Something (and more often than not it was a friend) said this wasn’t the path for me.

So then I have some questions to answer. What’s practical…for me? And should practicality be the highest virtue? If linguistics is one of the few areas of study I know I would love, should I go for broke?

To be continued.


§ 2 Responses to The Fool and the Fraud

  • Ryan says:

    Reminds me of that line in The Waste Land. “Bin gar keine Russin. Stamm aus Lituaen. Echt Deutsch.” Or whatever it was.

    Cool thing about the line of thinking above is that it involves a tremendous amount of imagination, or at least invites a tremendous amount of imagination. Drawback is that sharing the thoughts leads many to dole out advice. Which is boooooooring.

    That said, run marathons!

    • firebyfire says:

      I heart T.S. Eliot, and yes, I am reminded of that line as well.

      I’m not necessarily looking for advice–because lord knows, everyone has a different opinion–but more often than not, I need to think on paper. Also, I’m registered for the Madison Marathon. 🙂

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