We are Family

August 15, 2010 § 1 Comment

My, how things have changed in the last two years.  Two years ago, I was married.  Today, I went to my ex-husband’s stand-up comedy show at the Fringe Festival because I was curious, and well, because I still feel like he’s family in some way and I wanted to support him.  It truly was a family affair.  His brothers and sisters-in-law and dad were all there.  Sam is a funny guy, and he could often make me laugh.  Not many people can make me laugh, so I’m glad when I can find someone who can.  While it wasn’t a spectacular, hilarious show, it was touching.  Sam is real in a way that not many people are real.  There was a part in the show when he talked about his divorce and how he was an idiot (his words, not mine) for not paying attention.  His honesty and humility brought tears to my eyes.

I spent my first year of college at a small bible college in Ecuador called Covenant Bible College.  There were only 37 students and I had made many memories and deep friendships, that I often thought I had to marry someone from my class because I couldn’t imagine sharing a life with someone who didn’t share that important year with me.  It was a juvenile thought to have, but then again, I was only 18.  This post is perhaps more transparent than I normally am, but sometimes I wish the people closest to me could know Sam because then in some way they will know me better.  There isn’t an instruction manual for marriage, and there isn’t one for divorce.  Most of my friends and family said I shouldn’t talk to Sam, that he didn’t deserve anything from me.  I could write a book about it (in fact, I kind of am writing a book about it!), and it is still hard, but it didn’t feel right to cut all ties with him.  I wrote a poem a while back, and I will share a slightly revised version here.  It is the shortest way to explain how I feel.

“We are Family”

I was his mother; I fed him and brought him 7UP when he was sick and nagged him to clean up his messes.  He was my father; he pulled me close to his chest and told me he was sorry and that no one should mistreat me.  We were brother and sister, bickering and competing for friends and success.  We were terrific lovers and part-time friends.  In title, I was his wife, he my husband.  Now, we are exes.  But, somehow, family we remain.


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